It's time to wash dirty linen in public. The concept of washing dirty linen in public

PHOTO-1L Are there statistics that would determine how many families have broken up due to the wife’s evil tongue, gossip and scandals that were brought to public view, made public and forever erased not only the sincerity in the relationship between the spouses, but also the opportunity to fix anything? after a public lynching of the opposing party. I think the numbers would be dismal.
The most interesting thing is that a simple negative discussion of a husband in a conversation with a friend, like disclosing secrets, also equates to a scandal.
***
HORROR OF OUR TOWN: I’m going to work on public transport and listening to a strange conversation, consisting, it seems, of only short remarks, but involving in complicity and involuntary empathy all the passengers of a minibus stuck in a jam. Despite the fact that the woman sitting in the front seat says practically nothing, the picture of the conversation emerges as offensively obvious and recognizable. As always!
- Galya, hi, how are you?
- …..
- What are you talking about?!
-….
- What is he?
-…
- And you?
-…
- And what did he say?
-…
- No, well, can you imagine! Here you go, freak! And what did you say?
-…
- You're a fool! Three times a fool!
-….
- I can not talk. It really got on my nerves. So what now?
-…
- What a bastard!
-…
- I'm having a nervous breakdown. I can’t talk, I’m on a minibus….

For an hour, while we were stuck in traffic, a meaningful telephone conversation between two bosom friends continued in the same spirit. What were they talking about? Not hard to guess. It's all about the same thing. About yours, about women’s...

Wash dirty linen in public- disclose troubles, quarrels that concern only a narrow circle of people. The expression is usually used with negation as a call not to disclose the details of such quarrels (there is no need to wash dirty linen in public). (Directory of phraseological units)

Washing dirty linen in public is, of course, a tempting activity. Why? Yes, because at this moment you are not alone and have the right to count on sympathy, empathy, fleeting love, which you, apparently, lack in your family. Otherwise, why would you resort to the help of the hall?
But at least there is

THREE REASONS, for which “washing dirty linen in public” is categorically not recommended.
First of all, it's dangerous
Folk expressions carry a huge charge of the traditional ideas of our ancestors about good and evil and the moral grain of humanity and common sense. In mystical terms, this was expressed in their belief that an evil person could supposedly send misfortune to the owner of the house by uttering special magic words over the garbage from his home. According to an old superstition, damage to a person can be caused by nail clippings, combed hair, or any garbage from his home, so the rubbish was usually swept under the threshold and then burned in the oven. To wash dirty linen in public meant to bring disaster to your home.
This is how our ancestors motivated the need to hide from others the intimate side of their lives, that which concerned the person himself very closely, in order to exclude intrusion into his world, introducing pain, suffering and sadness into it.
Naive pagan protection from the evil eye, damage and slander can be explained by simple psychological motivations.
HORROR OF OUR TOWN: “One friend met a wonderful man, they got married and lived in perfect harmony, but he was a Jew. And another friend, when we met, said: I heard that Jews sometimes have a smell, tell me is it true? The friend replied that no, she had never noticed anything... The second one again persistently began to ask, “tell me, at least they are a little different and the skin smells different,” and the first friend, just to get rid of it, said, “maybe a little bit.” the second friend passed this on to her husband and he chopped up all the furniture in the apartment, leaving a note: “So that nothing Jewish smells to you.” The family broke up."
To wash dirty linen in public means to feel like a victim, whose sad image requires worship and veneration. BUT there is a huge risk of eventually becoming this victim. Bring disaster upon yourself in full. Only through the efforts of your own tongue. Because a thought is material, but a word spoken after a thought is doubly material.
The image of a victim is sometimes so attractive that a woman gladly dresses herself up in it and tells everyone left and right about how unlucky she is with her husband, how bad he is, and how she gets a daily nervous breakdown from this. Can you imagine? And you? And he? Here you go, you bastard!
“Call a person a pig, he will grunt” - this results in real negative programming.
By doing this, she, in principle, does not even suspect that she is completely cutting off her path to happiness, not being able to appreciate what she has.
“What we have, we don’t keep; if we lose it, we cry,” a proverb familiar to everyone comes in handy here. After all, when discussing our failure with others, we reinforce the negative, code it for repeated failure, and attach a label to it. And to your family life too. Because how can she really be happy with such a scumbag?
ADVICE: If you already dreamed of a prince, but somehow it didn’t work out, and your fantasies wither on the vine. I suggest not translating the good stuff. And direct them in a creative direction. Give your unlucky husband a new image. What if he “grunts” the way you would like him to? With your efforts and prayers, by the way, he can successfully move from complete failure to genius. There would be a desire. And love, of course. Because without love, all this will be just a bitter pill from complete disappointment in life.
***
My old friend, with whom I often discussed my family affairs, once very wisely and firmly set my mind straight with one single phrase. When I tried to complain about my friend and was about to play the usual broken record of an exposing monologue, she said:
- If he is so bad, why do you live with him?
- Why should I throw him away because of scattered socks? – I was surprised.
- And if you don’t want to leave him, you sleep with him, you spend his money, you turn his cheek for a kiss, then why are you disgracing him in front of people? How you see him is how he will be!
At that time, I even remember that I was offended by her for her harshness.
By the way, she never said a single bad word about her husband. Although it didn’t work for a long time and seemed a bit strange to me. “Don’t wash dirty linen in public!” - a useful and for some reason forgotten by many folk anti-crisis method of dealing with garbage in family life was the motto of her life. What was behind the door of their house, what they talked about, how they dealt with difficulties, what they promised each other, who took out the trash can and washed their socks - this remained a secret behind seven seals. But when a friend became seriously ill and spent three months in the hospital, her house did not collapse, her children did not go hungry, she was not even fired from work, because he took her home transfers and carefully visited the hospital. Twice every day, morning and evening.

And then I envied her kindly and realized what her secret was. The secret of family happiness is to accept your life option with love and gratitude, regardless of what friends and acquaintances may say about it. In essence, what difference does it make to you what they think about you, how they will react to the ups and downs of your family history, if you live the main minutes of your life not with them, but with HIM. Your closest person. Be good to him, love him, take care of him and meditate so that your bright dreams about his genius will someday come true. And who knows, what if... they will come true someday.

Secondly, litter is an indicator of your defeat
Someone wise said that every woman deserves the man who is next to her.
It is she who allows him to be a parasite, a rude person, an alcoholic, a loser or a hero, a researcher, a breadwinner, a support.
She, like a tuning fork, tunes the family flute and sets the weather in the house.
Why do some women consider it good form to discuss the person closest to them with their friends? Why do they more often say not the nicest things about him? Are they looking for excuses? Do you want to look taller?
This probably makes them seem better than him.
But, by and large, it only confirms their own poor choice. Or the inability to establish relationships.
“Oh, leave it! Tired of it! – the reader will say, who is already fed up with responsibility for everyone and everything. “Again, it’s all the woman’s fault.” He's lazy - she didn't kick him off the couch. He loves to drink - she brought it! He walks - his wife could not satisfy him. How many dogs can you hang on her!”
And our reader will begin to dream about a fairy-tale man who knows how to make decisions and be responsible for his actions, a breadwinner and protector, a calm and balanced embodiment of her best hopes, “so that he doesn’t drink, doesn’t smoke, and always gives flowers...” and further according to the text of the famous song . Fill your head to the top with these fantastic dreams and wait for a miracle. At the same time, discussing and condemning the men around them for their laziness, rudeness, stupidity, stinginess and other shortcomings. Everyone is discussing it: neighbors, acquaintances, girlfriends. Why is she worse? Why not discuss strangers! But this will never and cannot happen to her, because she is waiting for the real thing. And dreams to the fullest!
He dreams and dreams, but in the end he gets something completely different. And so, an average person, who, by the way, has the same vices that were so pleasant to discuss with others.

Thirdly, washing out the dirty linen is not a panacea.
Well, you scratched your tongues, relieved your soul, received a car of sympathy and a tank of solidarity tears. You fixed in your brain the image of a scoundrel who is no match for you, threw it out... And then you came home, and there he was sitting!
Darling sits on the porch
With an expression on your face
Expresses that face -
What to sit on the porch
Ditties
What will you do? After all, you have to continue to live with him... But is it necessary?
Some are in a hurry to dot the i's and cut the Gordian knot in the standard trivial way. "Out of sight, out of mind". Divorce seems to be a panacea, a way out, the only way to improve the situation. The “new” contender for a hand and heart is seen almost as an icon that one can pray for. But in close contact with living together with him, it may turn out that he, in fact, is not particularly different from the old one. And in something even worse.
“I exchanged the awl for soap,” the woman thinks and falls into another depression. He puts a cross on himself and a black mark on the entire male race. Now you can grind your tongue without getting tired. And not only with friends to discuss them all.
What's the point? How long will it last?
All the same, one day you will want something normal, human, humane. Love, after all. And the woman will again tune in to a miracle and begin to wait.
But you can wait a long time, a very long time, so that life will pass. When the clock insistently rings about the need to solve a problem, when you are already over 30, 40, 50..., then another organ in the brain turns on, and the bar is lowered. And the dreamer thinks in a more realistic way about the most basic marriage to the most ordinary neighbor boy, with whom she once sat at the same desk or studied at the same institute. And he finds himself completely without foreign gloss, wealth and other coveted masculine virtues. Ordinary. As everybody.
At first, she will diligently attribute non-existent virtues to him. Composing epithets for your unearthly love and imagining your meeting with him as a completely extraordinary situation, reminiscent of a scene from a love story. He will complete the details, shade out inconsistencies, and turn a blind eye to obvious flaws. And then he will come to terms with it. Well, at least there is one!
Unlucky, but your own!
Well, it’s not a sin to discuss something unlucky with your friends. Like just now. Bitter, but like everyone else.
And the familiar cart will roll through the putrid swamps of yesterday blah blah blah. Round. And so all my life... Do you like this perspective?
I do not like!? That's what I don't like!
So whenever I want to tell someone that my husband is completely incapable of putting his damn socks back in place, I put a big barn lock on my mouth.
And imagine! He finally learned to throw them in the laundry basket. Wow! Less than twenty years have passed...

We women have one very feminine quality:)

Of course, on the one hand, this is a completely normal desire - to discuss with someone your concerns about your husband’s increased lateness at work lately, to conduct a detailed analysis of his recent action or statement, and of course, to grieve over your fate with a loved one human. Yes, from the outside it all may look harmless, but is it really so?!

Actually, there is one person with whom you can discuss any quarrel with your husband - and this is your mother-in-law. She is the only one who can adequately respond to your complaints against her son and, perhaps, will even help you resolve the conflict and establish peace in the family of her beloved child.

Why? Yes, because she is an interested person, i.e. she wants happiness for her son and his family and she can influence him with good intentions. Yes, it happens that the mother-in-law is jealous of her son and may even take advantage of the opportunity, having learned about your disagreements in the family, to do harm, but that’s another story. So, if your husband’s mother is a completely adequate person, then sometimes, in some cases, you can complain to her and this can bring good results.

Now I would like to figure out why you shouldn’t discuss any difficulties in the family with someone other than your mother-in-law. Everything is very simple. Once upon a time, even my mother told me: “Daughter, you don’t need to tell your friends about quarrels with your husband. You will make peace later and you will be ashamed that you somehow spoke badly about him.” I remember her words well when I was still a girl.

But this is an example at a rough level. There are also equally important subtle reasons. The point is that a woman has enormous mental power, with the help of which she influences a man, i.e. whatever she thinks her husband is, that’s how he will be. This is true and there is no escape from it, whether we believe it or not. This is amazing, but if a woman attributes some negative qualities to her husband, then he will certainly have them and, accordingly, if she believes in him and looks for positive character traits in him or even behaves as if he already has those qualities that he lacks, then very soon he will become exactly the way she sees him. A woman can either trample her husband and ruin his life or elevate him in ways he never dreamed of.

I recently read a great story about this: “One evening, President Obama and his wife Michelle decided to go out for an unplanned dinner at a restaurant that wasn’t very fancy. Once they were seated, the restaurant owner asked Obama’s security guard if he could address First Lady privately. Michelle and the man then had a conversation. After this conversation, President Obama asked Michelle, “Why was he so interested in talking to you?” She replied that in her teenage years, he was madly in love with her. President Obama said, “So if you married him, you could be the owner of this wonderful restaurant now?” and Michelle replied, “No. If I had married him, he would have become president."

The moral of the story (and what I want to get at) is that a lot depends on the woman. It depends on us who is next to us now - an intelligent, generous and successful man or a donkey whom we tied to the sofa in the living room; it is we who, through our behavior, reveal the limitless potential of a loved one; it is our words and actions that can create or destroy the family hearth that we wanted and dreamed about so much.

Wash dirty linen in public wash/wash dirty linen in public Razg. Usually from negative. Talk about quarrels and troubles occurring between loved ones. With noun with meaning faces: son, friend... doesn't wash dirty linen in public.

Fulfilling the duty of a noble heart, she speaks of us with respect and modesty... she reproaches us carefully, does not wash dirty linen in public. (A. Pushkin.)

He [Khlopakov] is careful, he doesn’t wash dirty linen in public, he won’t say a bad word about anyone. (I. Turgenev.)

...But speak quickly - we won’t wash dirty linen in public... What was said died within me. (P. Melnikov-Pechersky.)

Educational phraseological dictionary. - M.: AST. E. A. Bystrova, A. P. Okuneva, N. M. Shansky. 1997 .

See what it means to “wash dirty linen in public” in other dictionaries:

Wash dirty linen in public

WASH YOUR DIRTY OUT OF PUBLIC- who Disclose information about which people. troubles that concern a narrow circle of people and are therefore hidden from outsiders. This refers to family quarrels, squabbles, troubles, etc., as well as conflicts in a group of people united by something. common to... ... Phraseological Dictionary of the Russian Language

wash dirty linen in public- To divulge internal discord, troubles affecting a narrow circle of people connected by family, friendship, business relationships... Dictionary of many expressions

Wash dirty linen in public- WASHING DIRTY OUT OF PUBLIC. TAKE THE DIRTY OUT OF PUBLIC. Razg. 1. Disclose quarrels, squabbles, squabbles that occurred in the family or between close people. It did not escape Naumovna’s eyes that something was wrong between her daughter-in-law and Trofim, although they hid it. Guess... Phraseological Dictionary of the Russian Literary Language

To wash/wash dirty linen in public Razg. Usually from negative. Talk about quarrels and troubles occurring between loved ones. With noun with meaning faces: son, friend... doesn't wash dirty linen in public. Fulfilling the duty of a noble heart, she speaks about us with... ... Educational phraseological dictionary

rubbish- a (y); m. Small dry waste; garbage. Sweep away the dirt. // Unnecessary, worthless things; trash. ◊ Wash dirty linen in public. Disclose internal discord and troubles affecting a narrow circle of people connected by family, friendship, or business relationships. ◁ Weedy… encyclopedic Dictionary

rubbish- a (y), m. Small dry waste; garbage. Sweep the dirty linen out of the room. □ [Vasilisa Egorovna] saw Ivan Ignatich, who was pulling out of the cannon rags, pebbles, chips, money and all kinds of rubbish, stuffed into it by the children. Pushkin, The Captain's Daughter... Small academic dictionary

rubbish- a (y); m. see also. weed a) Small dry waste; garbage. Sweep away the dirt. b) ott. Unnecessary, worthless things; trash. wash dirty linen in public... Dictionary of many expressions

endure- I’m carrying, you’re carrying; you/carried, la, lo; St. see also carry out, carrying out, taking out, carrying out, carrying out someone or something 1) Carrying, removing from where, delivering to where... Dictionary of many expressions

endure- I’m carrying, you’re carrying; carried out, la, lo; St. who what. 1. Carrying, remove from where, deliver to where. V. the patient in his arms. V. things, luggage, suitcase. B. furniture. B. milk, bread (bring from which room to whom). B. eat, drink (bring from what place... encyclopedic Dictionary

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Our ancestors said: “Don’t wash dirty linen in public when the sun has set.” There is such a meaning here - all things need to be done during the day, and at night only bad deeds are committed. The Slavs believed that during the day, while the sun is shining, the gods see, but at night they are not manifested and do not see in our world. This means you don’t need to do anything at night. That's why thieves go around at night. But, the idea is immediately given that the Slavs considered rubbish to be something like the creature Navi and therefore threw it away from home without looking, and you can’t even look at the east and the sun during such a thing.

Witches used rubbish for sabotage:
In the spring, when cleaning, you need to throw the rubbish collected from the house on the edge of the person you want to harm and say: “All the bugs, yes fleas to you!” and run from this place without looking back.

You cannot burn rubbish from the house - dark fires will spoil it. That's it
If a girl sweeps the floor poorly, the groom will be crooked” (broken, ugly). If you wanted to isolate yourself from a bad person, then they threw a coal from the stove or household rubbish after him. If a family moved to a new place, they swept everything out of the house and took a handful of garbage with them. It was believed that litter connects our world with the world of our ancestors, and thus the connection with them will not be interrupted. In the new house, garbage was thrown into a corner that was visible as you walked through the door. If household members, relatives or dear guests have gone on a long journey, then you cannot clean up for three days - they may not return. The same thing happens when a man joins the army or goes to war.

You cannot track down a person who has left the house, and you cannot sweep the rubbish out into the street. And of course, you can’t clean the house when you’re sick: “don’t sweep when someone’s lying sick, otherwise you can sweep it away with garbage.”

From the point of view of preserving the unified space of the house and its security in interaction with the outside world, rubbish cannot be swept out, this breaks the protective barrier, the same applies to conversations about households and home.

The true, deep meaning of the saying: “don’t wash your dirty laundry in public” means: keep your domestic relationships a secret, otherwise you will break the protective barrier of your home and invite disaster!

In this case, the word rubbish is used in the meaning of squabbles, swearing, quarrel, that is, everything is waste, don’t show off gossip. In fact, swearing in the house gives rise to waste energy and there is no other name for it than rubbish.
Considering that the Russian language is a language of images and reflects the true content of things, their role, then one can understand the true meaning of the saying.

Therefore, you should not tell strangers about your quarrels; you will cause laughter and attract other people’s energy into the house, which can lead to illness and failure.