Recommendations for parents on how to increase their child's self-esteem. Memo for parents: Formation of self-esteem of a preschooler, methodological development on the topic

How to increase a child's self-esteem? Psychologist's advice

The success of human life, in addition to objective circumstances, is also influenced by the level of self-esteem, which begins to form in the preschool period under the influence of the child’s environment, primarily parents. Self-esteem is a person’s assessment of his capabilities, qualities and place among other people.

A healthy atmosphere in the family, the desire to understand and support the child, sincere participation and empathy, a sense of psychological security - these are the components for the formation of positive adequate self-esteem in the child.

A child with high self-esteem may believe that he is right about everything. He strives to control other children, seeing their weaknesses, but not seeing his own, often interrupts, treats others down, and tries with all his might to attract attention to himself. From a child with high self-esteem you can hear: “I am the best.” With inflated self-esteem, children are often aggressive and belittle the achievements of other children.

If The child's self-esteem is low Most likely, he is anxious and unsure of his own abilities. Such a child always thinks that he will be deceived, offended, underestimated, always expects the worst, and builds a defensive wall of mistrust around himself. He strives for solitude, is touchy, and indecisive. Such children adapt poorly to new conditions. When performing any task, they are set up for failure, finding insurmountable obstacles. Children with low self-esteem often refuse new activities for fear of failure, overestimate the achievements of other children and do not attach importance to their own successes.

Low, negative self-esteem in a child is extremely unfavorable for the full development of the individual. Such children are in danger of developing the attitude “I am bad”, “I can’t do anything”, “I am a loser”.

At adequate self-esteem child creates around himself an atmosphere of honesty, responsibility, compassion and love. He feels valued and respected. He believes in himself, although he is able to ask for help, is able to make decisions, and can admit that there are mistakes in his work. He values himself, and therefore is ready to value those around him. Such a child has no barriers that prevent him from experiencing a variety of feelings towards himself and others. He accepts himself and others as they are.

If you praise, then it’s right

Of great importance in the formation of a child’s self-esteem is the interested attitude of an adult, approval, praise, support and encouragement - they stimulate the child’s activities and form moral habits of behavior. Physiologist D.V. Kolesov notes: “Praise for consolidating a good habit is more effective than reprimand for preventing a bad habit. Praise, causing a positive emotional state, helps to increase strength and energy, and enhances a person’s desire to communicate and cooperate with other people...”. If a child does not receive timely approval during an activity, he develops a feeling of insecurity.

However, you also need to praise correctly! Understanding how important praise is for a child, it must be used very skillfully. Vladimir Levi, author of the book “Unconventional Child,” believes that no need to praise the child in the following cases:

For what has been achieved not by your own labor- physical, mental or emotional.
Not to be praised beauty, health. All natural abilities as such, including good disposition.
Toys, things, clothes, random find.
You can't praise out of pity.
Out of a desire to please.

Praise and encouragement: for what?

It is important to remember that absolutely all children are talented in their own way. Parents should be more attentive to their children in order to find the talent inherent in the child and develop it. It is important to encourage any the child’s desire for self-expression and development. Under no circumstances should you tell a child that he will not become a great singer, dancer, etc. With such phrases, you not only discourage a child from wanting to do anything, but also deprive him of self-confidence, lower his self-esteem, and reduce motivation.
Be sure to praise children for any merit: for good grades at school, for winning sports competitions, for a beautiful drawing.
One of the methods of praise could be prepaid expense, or praise for what will happen. Approval in advance will instill in the child faith in himself and his strength: “You can do this!” “You can almost do it!”, “You can definitely do it!”, “I believe in you!”, “You will succeed!” etc. Praise your child in the morning- this is an advance for the whole long and difficult day.

Vladimir Levi advises remembering the child’s suggestibility. If you say: “Nothing will ever come of you!”, “You are incorrigible, you have only one road (to prison, to the police, to an orphanage, etc.)” - then don’t be surprised if this happens. After all, this is the real thing direct suggestion, and it works. The child may believe in your attitudes.

Techniques for increasing a child’s self-esteem:

Ask for advice as an equal or elder. Be sure to follow the child’s advice, even if it is far from the best, since the educational result is more important than any other.
Ask for help as a peer or elder.
There are moments when an all-powerful adult needs to be a junior - weak, dependent, helpless, defenseless... from a child!

Already at the age of 5-7, this technique, used from time to time, can give miraculous results. And especially with a teenager, in a mother-son relationship - if you want to raise a real man.

Punishments: rules for parents

Not only encouragement, but also punishment plays an important role in the formation of self-esteem. When punishing a child, you should follow a number of recommendations.

Punishment should not be harmful to health- neither physical nor psychological. Moreover, punishment must be useful.
If there is doubt, to punish or not to punish - don't punish. Even if they have already realized that they are usually too soft and indecisive. No "prevention".
At one time - oh bottom punishment. The punishment can be severe, but only one, for everything at once.
Punishment - not at the expense of love. Whatever happens, do not deprive your child of your warmth.
Never don't take things away, given by you or anyone else - never!
Can cancel the punishment. Even if he acts so outrageously that it couldn’t be worse, even if he just yelled at you, but at the same time today he helped the sick or protected the weak. Don't forget to explain to your child why you did this.
It is better not to punish than to punish belatedly. Late punishments They instill in the child the past and do not allow them to become different.
Punished - forgiven. If the incident is over, try not to remember the “old sins.” Don't bother me to start living again. By remembering the past, you risk creating in your child a feeling of “eternal guilt.”
Without humiliation. If the child believes that we are unfair, punishment will have the opposite effect.

Techniques for normalizing a child’s high self-esteem:

Teach your child to listen to the opinions of people around him.
Take criticism calmly, without aggression.
Teach to respect the feelings and desires of other children, as they are just as important as your own feelings and desires.

We do not punish:

If the child feels unwell or is sick.
When a child eats, after sleep, before bed, during play, while working.
Immediately after mental or physical trauma.
When a child cannot cope with fear, with inattention, with mobility, with irritability, with any shortcoming, making sincere efforts. And in all cases when something doesn’t work out.
When the internal motives of an action are unclear to us.
When we ourselves are not ourselves, when we are tired, upset or irritated for some reason...

To develop adequate self-esteem in a child

Don’t protect your child from everyday affairs, don’t try to solve all his problems for him, but don’t overload him either. Let your child help with the cleaning, enjoy the work done and receive well-deserved praise. Set feasible tasks for your child so that he can feel skillful and useful.
Don't overpraise your child, but don't forget to reward him when he deserves it.
Remember that to form adequate self-esteem, both praise and punishment must also be adequate.
Encourage initiative in your child.
Show by your example the adequacy of your attitude towards successes and failures. Compare: “Mom’s pie didn’t turn out well - well, that’s okay, next time we’ll put more flour.” Or: “Horror! The pie didn’t work out! I’ll never bake it again!”
Don't compare your child to other children. Compare him with himself (what he was yesterday or will be tomorrow).
Scold for specific actions, not in general.
Remember that negative feedback is the enemy of interest and creativity.
Analyze his failures together with your child, drawing the right conclusions. You can tell him something using your example, so the child will feel an atmosphere of trust and understand that you are closer to him.
Try to accept your child for who he is.

REMINDER FOR PARENTS

“HOW TO INCREASE A CHILD’S SELF-ESTEEM

AND WHY IS THIS IMPORTANT?

HOW TO INCREASE A CHILD'S SELF-ESTEEM

AND WHY IS THIS IMPORTANT?

Psychologists' studies have shown that people with low self-esteem are more likely to use tobacco, alcohol and even drugs. A child who feels good about himself and has positive, high self-esteem is likely to have enough self-esteem to stop using alcohol and drugs. He will resist the pressure of others more actively than the one who considers himself “worse than others.” Five rules for increasing self-esteem will allow you to increase it in your son or daughter or pupil.

Rules for increasing self-esteem

Rule 1. Encourage and praise your child for efforts and efforts as well as for achievements. Notice even the smallest successes. Praise as often as possible. Let's understand that effort and perseverance are often more important than results.

Rule 2. Help children set realistic, achievable goals. If they or their parents expect too much, failure can be devastating to their personality. Your child should know that his personal achievements, albeit small in comparison with others, will cause you the same pride and admiration as the highest achievements and victories of others.

Rule 3. When correcting mistakes, criticize actions and actions, not the child himself. Let's say your child climbed a high fence studded with nails. In order not to destroy positive self-esteem, you can say, for example, the following: “Climbing such a fence is dangerous. You could have fallen and broken yourself. Don't do this again! A statement that is destructive to self-esteem sounds like this: “Where are you going? Don’t you have a head on your shoulders?”

Rule 4. Let your child feel real responsibility. Children who have responsibilities at home consider themselves important in the family, members of the “team.” They perceive fulfilling their duties as an achievement.

Rule 5. Show and tell your children that you love them. Kisses, hugs, words of love help the child see himself in a full light and accept himself. Children are never too old, and each one requires confirmation of your feelings that they are the most beloved and dear. Ask yourself the question: “Do I want to hear affectionate and kind words addressed to me - words of encouragement?” It is these words that increase the self-esteem of any person. Contrary to popular belief, single-parent families can also provide a basis for positive self-esteem, along with complete ones.

Remember also that the state and result of psychological communication with the child depend on the psychological and physical well-being of the parents.

Prepared

educational psychologist O.V. Burmetova

Burmetova Olga Vladimirovna

Anastasia Domanskaya

Starting from kindergarten and throughout life, self-esteem plays an important role for every person. This is the so-called foundation of personality and its success. How can parents increase their child’s self-esteem so that he becomes self-confident?

How does low self-esteem threaten a child?

For a young child, low self-esteem can interfere with mastering new skills and abilities, as well as establishing contacts with peers. The fact is that having failed several times in a row, kids will be afraid to take on something new. Therefore, such children may even lag behind their peers in development.

In a teenager, the problem of low self-esteem has more widespread consequences and can even lead to mental disorders and mental suffering. There have been cases when, due to very low self-esteem, teenagers committed suicide, justifying their action as follows: “Nobody needs me,” “nobody loves me,” “I’m worthless.”

But the worst thing is that, unlike adults, whose formation of self-esteem is influenced by many factors, in children this quality is most often formed by the parents themselves. Therefore, from early childhood you need to start acting very carefully.

Signs of low self-esteem in a child

1. Because of the fear of being ridiculed and rejected, the baby does not want to contact other children.

2. The child behaves restlessly, often gets nervous and panics.

3. When he takes on something new, he immediately predicts his failure, so he often even refuses to take action.

4. He considers the success achieved in some business to be an accident and fleeting luck rather than the result of his hard work.

5. The child is completely dependent on the opinions of others and tries to copy them in almost everything.

Of course, there are many different questionnaire methods that allow you to determine low self-esteem, but many of the signs can be noticed simply by observing your offspring. For example, you can use one of the most popular tests - “10 steps”.

Ask your child to draw steps or a mountain, and then explain that at the bottom are the worst children and at the top are the very good ones. Next, have your son or daughter draw a picture of themselves on the step where they see their place. It is clear that children with low self-esteem will draw themselves at the bottom, and those with high self-esteem will draw themselves at the top of the steps.

How to increase your child's self-esteem

To prevent your child from suffering from low self-esteem, you need to work on increasing it from early childhood. To do this, it is important to take into account several important rules.

1. Try never to compare your child with other children. It often happens that parents set their son or daughter as examples of their neighbor's children, their friends or classmates, pointing out the successes of other people's offspring, and at the same time the shortcomings of their own. This is a big mistake of many mothers and fathers - a child can and should be compared only with himself, while always celebrating his successes. For example: “A month ago you read much worse, but now you read very well.”

It is very common for parents to compare their children to their siblings. This is fraught with another serious problem - jealousy, which gives rise to hatred and conflicts.

2. Point out to your child his advantages and strengths so that he himself understands what his strengths are. For example, if he is frankly weak in some area, find the activity that he does best and constantly remind him of it. If a child has obvious shortcomings, help him get rid of them. For example, if a girl is overweight and suffers from ridicule from classmates, she can sign up for dancing.

3. Avoid physical punishment, which can not only humiliate the child, but also contribute to the fact that a calm boy or girl will grow into an aggressive and insecure person. Therefore, if circumstances have developed in such a way that a child needs to be punished for some kind of offense, use verbal measures of influence or deprive him of some privileges for a while: sweets, watching TV, playing on the computer, buying a new toy. And one more thing - forget about screaming, you need to talk to your child calmly and confidently.

4. Never call your child bad. Just give a certain assessment of his specific action. Moreover, you can’t put labels like “how stupid you are,” “fool,” and so on. Remember the phrase of Captain Vrungel: “Whatever you call the boat, that’s how it will float.”

5. Praise your child, also very carefully, so that low self-esteem does not turn into overestimated over time. If parents constantly admire the actions and behavior of their child, then this will definitely affect his opinion of himself - and, as statistics show, often not for the better.

Encourage your child when he really deserves it. For example, if you made your bed or folded your things. At the same time, you shouldn’t focus too much on this; just say “thank you” or “well done.” Actions that a child does on his own initiative deserve special attention - they certainly should not go unnoticed.

6. Take the right position relative to the child. Do not put him in strict limits - he needs to have his own rights and responsibilities in the family, and his parents listen to his opinion, sometimes even admitting their mistakes.

7. Speak words of love to your child more often, hug and kiss him.

8. If a child fails in some matter, support him and try to help. For example, divide the task into parts together and help each other implement each of the points. Do not criticize under any circumstances - look for ways to improve your offspring’s skills and abilities. So, if your son or daughter is not doing well in one of the subjects, you can hire a tutor.

Take it for yourself and tell your friends!

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1. The child must carry out tasks that are feasible and accessible for his age. You can’t overload him with things that are still difficult for him. But you also shouldn’t unnecessarily protect him from difficulties and do all the things for him and solve all the problems. The child must learn to cope with difficulties himself in order to assess his strength in dealing with various problems. By giving him feasible tasks, you will help him get the idea that he can do a lot, the main thing is just to start. Tasks that are too difficult can develop an inferiority complex and confirm in the child’s head the idea that he is incompetent and a failure. Tasks that are too easy can create inflated self-esteem in a child.

2. Set realistically achievable goals and objectives for your son or daughter. Then, upon achieving them, he will have increased self-confidence and a desire to set new goals and move towards their implementation. Unattainable goals can create a child who is a failure.

3. Praise should be appropriate to the task completed. You cannot over-praise or, conversely, underestimate the child’s work. Excessive praise and encouragement can contribute to the development of an egoist with a sense of superiority over other people. A lack of encouragement will lead to your child turning into a tense and insecure child.

4. Encourage initiative in your child, teach him to take responsibility and become a leader in those matters where he is good. But at the same time, teach him to give in where he cannot achieve great success. The kid should know that there are children who can also be leaders and do something better than him.

5. Teach your child to notice the positive in others and appreciate it. Praise other kids in front of him, teach him to give compliments to his peers.

6. Never compare your child with other children. Remember, your baby is unique and you don’t need to set his neighbor or classmate as an example. You can only compare a child with himself: “yesterday” or “tomorrow.” For example, “A week ago you couldn’t do this, but today you can cope with it without my help.” Or “It’s okay that you can’t do it now. You’ll see, after a while you’ll learn to do it with ease.”

7. Tell your child more often that you love, appreciate and believe in him. The positive attitude of others will help the child realize his own worth and form an attitude towards a positive perception of himself and other people.

Memo for parents “How to increase self-esteem”

· Forgive yourself for all the failures and mistakes made in the past, and recognize that they are the invaluable capital of your experience, your knowledge, which can be used effectively in life situations.

· Be aware of your achievements, victories, successes, no matter how small they may seem at first glance. You might even want to start a diary where you can start writing them down every day.

· Try to listen more to your own needs and interests, without devaluing them. They can serve as motivation for your activities.

· And of course, all the parting words and advice are good, but we recommend that you do not engage in “self-correction.”

Adequate self-esteem and level of aspirations play a vital role in the formation of a child’s personality. An adequate level of aspirations for children and adolescents is especially important. But it is also known that a child is not born with a certain attitude towards himself. Like all other personality traits, self-esteem develops in the process of education, where the main role belongs to the family.

Parents must remember the basic rules of education:

1. When giving a negative assessment of a child’s actions, you cannot say: “You don’t know how to build, draw, etc.” In these cases, the child cannot maintain the motivation for this type of activity and loses confidence in himself, his strengths, and abilities. The neurotic development of the child begins with the experience of low self-esteem caused by the attitude of adults.

2. A negative assessment of a child’s activities must not be allowed to extend to his personality, that is, the child must be criticized for his behavior. Assessing a child’s personality blocks the child’s development and creates an inferiority complex and inadequate low self-esteem and level of aspirations.

3. Intonation and emotional coloring of the statement addressed to the child are very important. Children react not only to the content, but also to the emotional coloring that contains the attitude towards the child.

4. It is unacceptable to compare a child, his deeds and actions with someone else, he cannot be opposed to anyone. Such comparisons are, on the one hand, psychologically traumatic, and on the other, they create negativism, selfishness, stubbornness, and envy.

5. Parents must create a system of relationships with the child in which he will perceive himself only favorably. Only in this case can he normally perceive other people’s successes, without lowering his self-esteem.

6. The main function of the family is to ensure that the child’s ability to socially adapt is based on his capabilities.

7. In relation to a child, a sharp transition from only positive assessments to sharply negative ones, from a punishing tone to affectionate cajoling, is unacceptable.

“How to increase a child’s self-esteem?”

Encourage and praise your child for effort and effort as well as for achievements. Notice even the smallest successes. Praise as often as possible. Let's understand that effort and perseverance are often more important than results.

Help children set realistic goals. If they or their parents expect too much, failure can be devastating to their personality. Your child should know that his personal achievements, even if objectively small compared to others, will cause you the same pride and admiration as the highest achievements and victories of others.

When correcting mistakes, criticize mistakes and actions, not the child himself. Let's say your child climbed a high fence studded with nails. In order not to destroy positive self-esteem, you can say something like this: “Climbing such a fence is dangerous. You could have fallen and broken yourself. Don't do this again." A statement that is destructive to self-esteem sounds like this: “Where are you going? Don’t you have a head on your shoulders?”

Let your child feel real responsibility. Children who have responsibilities at home consider themselves important in the family, members of the “team.” They perceive fulfilling their duties as an achievement.

Show and tell your children that you love them! Kisses, hugs, words “I love you!” contribute to the child seeing himself in a positive light and accepting himself. Children are never too old not to be told that they are the most beloved and the most precious. Contrary to popular belief, single-parent families can also provide a child with a basis for positive self-esteem, just like complete ones. Of course, provided that the relationship with the child is strong and loving.

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Recommendations for parents on how to increase their child's self-esteem. Memo for parents: Formation of self-esteem of a preschooler, methodological development on the topic

How does low self-esteem threaten a child?

Signs of low self-esteem in a child

How to increase your child's self-esteem

This might interest you:

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